Things

-I feel as though Two keeps growing, but the skin around him does not, giving me the uncomfortable feeling of wearing a pair of pants that are three sizes too small.

-When the 20-something girl sharing the swim lane beside me asks if I am alright, maybe that's a good indication that I should stop swimming.

-Please, stop looking at me - everyone.

-I really should have re-thought the two piece Speedo. Go ahead everyone, stare away...

-It is a known fact that when you bring your toddler to the doctor's appointment, you will have to wait approximately 41 minutes before you are seen by the doctor. When you bring your book to the doctor's office, ("oh, bliss! I have a doctor's appointment today! I can crack open that new library book, finally!") you will have to wait approximately one minute to be seen by the doctor. I guess it's sort of like Paddington Bear bringing his umbrella outside on sunny days.

-I am waiting (as are the toys, clothes and crumbs littered around my apartment) to feel that nesting faze come over me.

-I like it that pregnant women have something in common with birds.

- Two must sleep with his hands clenched and his arms straight out in front of him. When I lie down, it feels like I am lying on one of the corners of G's books.

-I am pretty sure he's a he in there.

-My husband referred to my belly as "engorged" tonight because he says he thought that was the nicest way to put it.

-I want to be one of those moms who knows all the other moms on the playground.

-I don't want to be one of those moms who knows all the other moms on the playground.

-All the women my age at the Oscars looked depressingly old, and they have nannies and masseuses and nutritionists and trainers and people who clean their bathrooms and...I am doomed.